This over-eating thing…

I got my hair cut on Saturday. I don't mean a little trim or anything, the sides were cut at least three inches and the back I stacked, so it took off almost six inches back there. Jon came home and told me it was cute and that he liked it. I was so excited to get up and style it the next day for church. Got to church and not one person noticed. A lot of them had seen me the day before prior to getting my hair cut and no one mentioned a thing. Then, Jon had a guy from church ask if he could help with something after church and Jon tried to get out of it. I stupidly opened my mouth and said he had time around 1:00 to do it. I should've just sat there and pretended I wasn't listening. Jon ended up yelling at me after the guy left and I ended up beating myself up for trying to control him.

The thing is, this is something he needs to do to help his faith grow… I just want him to be spiritually happy. So right there in the middle of church, I end up crying. I bowed my head and prayed while listening to the hymns so it would just look like I was really moved spiritually, but it really hurt my feelings that Jon would get mad at me for looking out for his wellbeing. I told him at the time that I was sorry and I'd stay out of it next time. He kept a hold of the anger for a couple hours and we ended up getting into it again outside a restaurant we were meeting some family at. That one started because he did something in traffic that scared me and I spoke up. That gets him riled up faster than anything else because he claims I don't trust him to drive the car. The thing is (as I told him) if ANYONE did anything to scare me in traffic, I'd speak up! My mom tried to lane change the other day right into another car and I told her to wait. I'm going to speak up! I don't want anyone to be in an accident or worse, get hurt.

During this second talk he ended up apologizing and saying some other things, so the day wasn't completely ruined. I just get sick of him yelling at me when I'm trying to help.

To top it off, I ended up overeating yesterday (shocker), so today I'm even more upset with myself because I can't even control that stupid tiny part of my life. When I feel myself get the munchies, I need my first reaction to be a prayer, not to peruse the refrigerator contents. I'll get this down, I know I will. I just need to re-train myself, I guess. I think I turn to food as part of my numbing process. Or maybe it's for the distraction that a painfully full tummy provides. Either way, I need to figure something out.

I just ordered a book called, "Fat is a Family Affair." We'll see what it has to say!

B