My husband…

My husband has fancied himself a writer, which I'm fine with. I think he's got some amazing ideas and someday it may work out for him. He has a friend that is really good at drawing. He asked his friend to put together a cover for the book that he's written. Back in April or May he and his friend had a fight that resulted in a falling out. I'm not sure what happened, but Jon and I both got "unfriended". Today my husband texts me and said he messaged his friend (thinking enough time had passed) about his cover. His friend basically told him to piss off and then blocked him. I think there's more going on there than what Jon is telling me, but I obviously don't know what. I finally just told Jon to ask my sister or her kids to draw it because they are actually quite good at drawing. He doesn't want to though. I think he's really mourning this friendship. I think he was really hoping it would come back. I wish I knew what to tell him to make it all better.

Usually I get the feeling that Jon needs to deal with this stuff on his own, so I can't take it away and make it all better. I see how much he struggles with it though and I am SO tempted to step in and offer my advice.

Pep-talk time: Jon needs to deal with this stuff on his own. He's had a life time of people stepping in. Let him be sad, let him vent at me, let him feel it, and then… let him deal with it.

I didn't think I was going to write today – not until after meeting with my sponsor, at any rate. But this stuff with Jon and his friend were really getting to me. I'm not sure why. Tuesday night Jon and I talked a little about our meetings and if they're helping. Jon told me, in no uncertain terms, that he didn't think I'd had it that bad and that his experiences were much worse than mine. The thing is, experiences, childhood, emotions, they're all relative. Him comparing his childhood to mine is like saying an elephant is just like a palm tree. It also kind of made me feel like he was marginalizing my pain… almost invalidating it.

My set of issues are MINE, specially put together by God for ME and my development as a human being. No one else in this world will ever have my exact situation. No one else needs the trials I've had to become the person I am. How can he compare that? And just because my experiences weren't as horrific as his doesn't mean my emotions were any less experienced… felt… imprinted on me.

I know there are people that have problems way worse than mine, but I've spent my life believing I was insignificant and I am not going to sit in that section anymore.

Because of his comments, I've been thinking about letting him read this… he doesn't even know this blog exists. But one thing that has always helped me along in life is identifying what I hope to accomplish by doing something. . What do I expect to have happen if I tell him about my blog and let him read it. I would like to think that he'll understand me more and see that while my path was perhaps easier than his path, it hasn't been any less painful. I don't think that's what would happen though. Honestly, I don't think he'd even bother reading it. He may tell me he read it all, but I don't think he would. Jon has matured a lot and grown leaps and bounds this last year, but he's still prone to the self-centeredness he's learned from his mom. And in that short paragraph, I've decided not to say anything.

It does hurt that he's comparing our situations though. I feel like he makes a lot of things into a contest. Who's more tired, who's had a harder life, who's siblings are worse… it gets pretty old. It turns me off when he complains… and that's usually what he does. Maybe that's my biggest problem… negativity and competition. I don't know. I think this is going to be needing more prayer and more meditation. I know I resent Jon… I may have worked on the older ones, but the newer ones still hurt and because of the resentment, I have a hard time trusting him. He doesn't ever seem willing to build the trust back up though. He continues with stupid lies, spending money we don't have, and not doing the things he says he's going to do. I just want to trust my husband, is that too much to ask of him?

B