The rest of my feelings…

Now that I've dealt with all my various resentments I find myself looking inward to tie knots in all my loose ended emotions. The one that's been grabbing my attention is the absence of security in my life. After my mom went to work, I just never felt anyone really loved or needed me. I think the absence of security is what drove me to eat. I guess you could call it insecurity.

Well, once again I turned to Google and I found a couple things:

How to stop feeling insecure
So the first step to kill the insecurity feelings is to understand that those feelings are messages that mean that your mind is in need of reassurance. Once you get such feelings you must sit alone and write down your thoughts and feelings in order to figure out the things that are making you insecure. Once you find the reason (for example, I am afraid that I lose my job because of the tough economy) you should write a plan that helps you get rid of that reason. The Good news is that as soon as you write the plan you will feel better especially if your subconscious mind believed that the plan will work. In short, to get rid of insecurity feelings you must reassure your mind by TAKING ACTIONS and not by positive thinking or quick fixes. Only then you will kill the feelings of insecurity.

Attachment Theory – Wikipedia
Securely attached children are best able to explore when they have the knowledge of a secure base to return to in times of need. When assistance is given, this bolsters the sense of security and also, assuming the parent's assistance is helpful, educates the child in how to cope with the same problem in the future. Therefore, secure attachment can be seen as the most adaptive attachment style. According to some psychological researchers, a child becomes securely attached when the parent is available and able to meet the needs of the child in a responsive and appropriate manner. At infancy and early childhood, if parents are caring and attentive towards their children, those children will be more prone to secure attachment

I had planned on delving into the first one and figuring this thing out. But then I found the second one and I was stopped in my tracks. This line just resonated through me! "…knowledge of a secure base to return to in times of need." When possible, my parents will help me, but there have been many times they have refused. I wonder if this is my issue, I was never securely attached to a caregiver… I never KNEW someone would be there for me when I needed it. Maybe this is why I've always felt so alone.

So based off the first thing I found via Google, I need to reassure my mind by taking actions… I need to make a plan for a secure base to return to if needed. Then, maybe I'll be free. Having just identified it has soothed me by leaps and bounds!

B