Insanity

If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over & expecting a different result... l am for sure insane! However, as a codependant, that is the definition of my life.

Constantly l am looking for the love I need to feel whole, but I never find it. I sacrifice my time, my wants, & my needs for someone that has no clue about what I'm doing. l sacrifice food, money, opinions, beliefs... Basically my whole person & for what? Nothing, because they still haven't given me the thing I've sacrificed for. Love.

My first post, l talked a bit about what brought this on for me as a child. l mentioned not being important, the other part to that is that no one ever bothered to stand up for me either. As a child l thought no one cared for me or about me because no one could be bothered to show me I was worth them standing up for me. As a result I thought I was worthless, unlovable, & unimportant. The worst thing was, it became the mantra for my life. Until six months ago I believed it with my whole being. I still believe it, but only of one person... my husband. Holding true to co-dependent nature, we have found each other. And it's not been an easy journey. He's getting better, but there are still more days that I feel like he hates me than days that I feel like he loves me the way he says he does.

I hope to someday be the whole person I should be. Until then, I hope to help others down the path l've traveled.

B