Happy Monday! Sorry
about the weekend hiatus, I decided to spend time with my husband. :) My thoughts today are with my husband. Back in March my mom posted a really helpful
article about being depressed and job searching on Jon’s Facebook page. Jon read it, thought the information helpful
and moved on with his day. That night my
mom messaged me on Facebook and asked me if I’d seen what Jon’s mom had said
about the article that my mom had posted.
I told her no, that Jon and I were watching a movie. I told her to hang on while we looked. So Jon pulls up his Facebook and we were both
horrified! Jon’s mom, thinking that my mom was being
mean to Jon (she posts articles for him all the time) decided she was going to
defend her baby. Which is great, but if
Jon isn’t offended, they shouldn’t be worried!
Anyway, it turned into this huge giant ordeal and Jon
basically hasn’t spoken to his family in two months. Jon’s mom is a co-dependent and she is really
into emotional manipulation, among other things. She expected Jon to jump to her aid and tell
my mom what a horrible person she was.
Instead, Jon told her to stop it and apologize to my mom. Now, since manipulative co-dependents dislike
boundaries, you can probably imagine the reaction Jon’s mom had. She called Jon’s sister and told her that I
was manipulating Jon and not letting him talk to her, she told Jon in a text
message TO JON’S PHONE that she knew it was really me talking to her and she
wasn’t going to answer anymore, and she told Jon’s brother all of that plus
some more for good measure.
I plan on posting this in another post, but I’ll touch on
this today. Jon’s sister has talked to
me exactly five times since Jon and I started dating. The first time ever was on my wedding
day. Jon’s mom called her and made her
talk to me. The second was when Jon’s
mom was visiting Jon and I and I asked his sister to take her for two weeks so
Jon and I could have a break. We’d been
married nine months and she’d been with us for three. That didn’t end well (one of the things I was
going to post another time). The third
time was after Jon’s mom told him I was leaving him then gave him enough Ambien
and Xanax to kill himself (nice mom, right?).
The fourth time was at Jon’s grandmother’s funeral, because I couldn’t
not talk to her, and the fifth time was with this whole debacle.
ANYWAY, the reason Jon’s in my thoughts is because this has
really been eating at him, this last confrontation with his family. But it’s been eating at him because he’s
finally realized his family is dysfunctional.
I think I told him about five times yesterday that it was okay for him
to be mad at his family. I keep telling
him to message our therapist (she just finished school and can’t technically
council us without her license. She’s
hoping to have it in June), but he’s not done it yet. I feel bad for him, because as bad as my
family is, they’d never do what Jon’s family has done. The worst thing is, they think it’s okay!
Okay, I’m done now. :)
On to today’s list items!
Find
themselves attracted to needy people.
I never realize they’re needy. Not until someone else points it out. Then I’m like, “Oh, yeah….” I think it’s because they make me feel needed
and wanted. Luckily, now that I’m
married, I (hopefully) won’t have to deal with this one or the next one again.
Find needy
people attracted to them.
Sometimes I can see how needy they are before I consent to
anything. Those ones I tend to avoid
because they’re too needy, even for me.
I had a guy interested in me about the same time I met my husband. Seeing that Jon lived in another state, I
decided to give this other guy a chance.
Whoa, it was bad. After making me
pay for and arrange all our dates (two), a red flag popped up and I decided I
wasn’t going to do it. I was so tired of
having to try and earn love with money (a whole other story behind that…). Anyway, I decided after the 2nd
date that I was going to wait for him to woo me. Well, guess how soon he called. Fast forward from March to September (no, he
hadn’t called me in ALL that time), I’d moved on with Jon and he was coming for
his first visit to meet me. When he was
here, I had my mom take some pictures of us doing some cute little kisses (he
was here for two weeks, so it’s not like I was easy… ;) lol). I put them up on Facebook and tagged Jon in
them. So this guy that stopped talking
to me as soon as I made him do any kind of effort, messaged me and told me he
couldn’t believe what a whore I’d made of myself all over Facebook for everyone
to see. Seriously?! MY MOM TOOK THE PICTURES! Like I’d ever do anything whorish in front of
her! Anyway, there were several messages
back and forth and several from him later (that I ignored… I think he was
trying to make me jealous?). That one I
avoided.
Feel bored,
empty, and worthless if they don't have a crisis in their lives, a problem to
solve, or someone to help.
This one only fits are far as feeling empty and worthless. I don’t thrive on crisis, I avoid dramatic
people like the plague. I don’t look for
problems to solve or people to help, but if they come to me, I offer as much
advice as possible, wanted or not. ;)
Anyway, I feel empty and worthless pretty much all the time. When I’m aware of feeling like that is days
when I’m depressed. When I’m aware and
ignore it… that’s days when I’m depressed around me, but “normal” around
everyone else. I’ve gotten better at
this, but I used to really truly hate myself. Like 100%.
I think now if fluctuates… mostly I think it goes between 30%-50%.
ALL THE TIME! The
worst was with my dad. In fact, the
first time my therapist told me to put up a boundary with my dad it was
this: I took back my Saturday’s. I used to put all my housework and errands on
hold so I could go help my dad. Clear up
until about four months ago I did this.
I felt so guilty the first Saturday I didn’t go over to help him with
whatever he needed help with. It’s
getting easier now, but I am REALLY aware that it’s Saturday and I’m not
helping him.
Per usual, I’ll end this with: I can’t wait to stop feeling these we
feelings. I get so tired of all the
guilt I give myself for not being “perfect”!
Someday… someday.
B
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