Advice

I know I promised you an Al-Anon topic today, but I don’t have one.  I have a good excuse though! :)  My dad was working in town today and texted me about a half hour before my meeting and asked if I wanted to go to lunch with him.  I know I mostly concentrate on him and the things that happen with that… but he’s still my dad and I still really love him.  So my friend went by herself to the meeting and I went to eat with my dad.  The best part of doing that though, besides the obvious part of seeing him and visiting, is that he pays!  WHOO! :)  ANYWAY, I digress.  From the list of codependent behaviors, I’m going to do this one today:  

Feel compelled --almost forced -- to help that person solve the problem, such as offering unwanted advice, giving a rapid-fire series of suggestions, or fixing feelings.

This one is actually quite interesting because in February I was 100% convinced that I did not do that at all.  In March I changed my tune.  My dear sweet husband and I were talking one night about various things.  He was telling me about something he finds challenging.  I don’t remember what it was.  Anyway, since I read this codependency list, I seem to keep it in the back of my mind.  During this talk with him, I realized I was bombarding him with unwanted advice!  I even stopped mid-sentence and said, “Wait, was I just giving you advice?”  To which he replied, “Yes.”  And I said, “Shoot!”  And told him about this list.  I told him I would work on not offering advice unless he asked for it, but to be lenient with me because it’s a live-long habit I’m going to be trying to break.  Well, since that fateful night, I’ve recognized many other places I do it.

One thing that should be included in this topic, but isn’t is: finishing others sentences.  I feel that it fits in with the other things listed.  It shows impatience with others feelings and when I do it, I’m trying to hurry them along so I can fix whatever issue there is that much sooner.  And here is the inevitable statement:  I know I do it because my dad appreciated it.  My dad would have a hard time finishing thoughts and whatnot.  He said it was because his thoughts moved faster than his mouth.  I finish almost all of his sentences.  I think he liked it because he felt like I understood what he was saying and he was really impatient with people that didn’t understand quick enough.  He still is like that… and, of course, I’ve picked that up too.

You know that furniture you can buy, but you have to put it together?  I lose patience with my poor Jon ALL THE TIME because he just doesn’t understand what I need fast enough.  Growing up helping my dad put crap together, we were on the same wave length because if I didn’t get it, I didn’t get to help.

This one I’m aware of, I’m working on it, and with any luck, it’ll be an old habit I don’t do anymore.  I try SO hard not to cut people off and butt in to help, but sometimes it’s really super hard.

Part two of this thing. :)  I went and asked my friend what the topic of today was in the meeting.  It was, “Let Go and Let God.”  I thought I’d just add a few things in regards to this.  Being raised Christian, in a sect that encourages regular attendance, not just on important holidays, I think I have a pretty good handle on faith and letting go of the reins to let God drive.  That doesn’t mean it’s easy and it doesn’t mean that I don’t fight it every now and again… but I’m usually pretty good about realizing it’s not about me.  God has a path and a plan and it’s in HIS timeframe, not mine.  For a lot of years I was so angry at God.  I felt like I deserved good things because I was a good person.  By good things I mean a husband… or at the very least a boyfriend.  Once I met my husband, I realized why it took so long for me to meet him and why it went the way it did, but while waiting… it sucked bum!

I’m very grateful for the knowledge of God and Christ that I have.  And while I struggled with it for a lot of my 20’s, I’m good now.  And I’m better for my struggles and the things I needed to learn to help me progress.  It actually brings me a lot of comfort knowing that even though I’m a huge disappointment to my Earthly father, my Heavenly Father only has love for me… I’m important to him, he needs me, AND he wants me.

B