Facing my fear

A couple things. First, I was the only one in my group meeting last night. This is the second week in a row. I haven't decided yet if I like it or hate it, but it is interesting to be alone. Second, I couldn't sleep last night. I had a nice hour forty-five nap from 10:30-12:15, then I was awake until about 4:30, slept till 6:00, was up to potty, back to sleep, and up with my alarm at 6:45. Boo. :(

During my wakeful period, I had time to contemplate things I've been avoiding. How much will it cost to fix the car? Did the software update on my tablet fix my Bluetooth connectivity issues? Why am I avoiding this new book that I have? Now, if you're a betting person, I'll bet you can figure out which one I'm going to talk about. ;)

This new book. I've started it, stopped it, started it, stopped it… and until last night I never thought of it again. Well, last night, the situation reminded me of when I avoided doing my resentment list. I realized that I truly believe this book can and will help me. And that scares the poop out of me! It was different with the resentment list, because that created a "hole" no one else could see. But if this book fixes me and I lose my "fat blanket," then what? It's mildly terrifying to think of facing the world without any protection, so to speak.

So tonight, armed with a pencil, highlighters, and a notebook, I'm going to start reading the book again. And I'm not going to stop until it's done. This facing-my-fears thing sucks. It's really hard, but I will do this.

B