And the truth shall set you free…

On Friday, my husband told me his college class was canceled. I was busy helping my mom with my dad so I didn't really pay attention to it. But his explanation put me off a little at the time. Well, when I came to work yesterday, I finally had a moment to think about it. Years ago, because of stuff he and I went through, I made him give me the passwords to all his stuff. I logged into his email yesterday afternoon because his instructor always emails Jon when class is canceled. I found the email, but it was FROM Jon TO the teacher. Jon told him his mouth was still hurting and that he was going to be missing class again.

I had the conversation with Jon on Thursday regarding my new boundary with lies. He did this Friday. I texted him and asked him if school had really be canceled or if he'd just not gone. He said it was canceled. I asked if he missed class because his teacher canceled it or if he missed because of his tooth. He finally came back and said it was because of his tooth. I said, "So you lied." He said yes. I said okay and left it at that.

I sat at work and agonized over what to do. I had been so adamant about the boundary when I put it up – how would it make me look if I didn't uphold it? I got home, he was watching TV before he left for school. I went back into the bedroom and changed. When I came out, I said, "I don't want to do this, but I was 100% clear with you what would happen if you lied. So I was wondering what all you want me to leave on the couch for you tonight."

He got mad at me. Started making excuses. When that didn't work, he started accusing me of stuff. When that didn't work, he shut down and left. I told him to have a good class and that I loved him, he said bye and shut the door. I felt horrible all evening. I didn't want to hurt him, but I couldn't put up with this treatment either. He called me around 9:30 on a break and he actually talked to me. We talked about the night apart and how he has to own his mistakes and take the consequences. Making excuses are for kids trying to get out of trouble, not adults dealing with their poor decision. I told him that this lie was worse because he knew what was going to happen, but he took the risk that I wouldn't find out. So not only did he lie, but he withheld the truth, AND he forced me to lie to my parents because I thought it was truth.

I cleaned up the living room for him. I folded his blanket, took his pillows out, and got him some sleeping pills because I knew he'd have a hard time sleeping without me. Then the dogs and I went into the bedroom and didn't emerge until this morning. I slept horribly. Tossed and turned all night. Jon said he slept horribly too. I'm glad I stuck to my guns because now he knows I mean business. This morning he told me he was going to try his hardest to always be honest with me. I think this was him testing me to see if I'd deliver the consequences I said I would. It was so hard to follow through, but I think in the long run, it'll be best for our marriage. I just hope he doesn't lie to me again…

B