Sorry for the long hiatus! I was enjoying a long Memorial Day weekend! Thursday I got a bonus at work. Friday I went to a funeral (it was a relative I didn't really know), but all my family came for it, so it was nice to see people I haven't seen in a few years. We also went to the graves since we were already at the funeral. Saturday I bought a dishwasher with my bonus. I also installed a new speaker in my car and got my CD changer to start working again. :) I also had a family BBQ and I made arrangements to go out with one of my cousins and his wife the next day! Sunday we went to church, then to lunch at Outback, and went to see the new X-Men movie. It was so good! Monday I installed the dishwasher. Tuesday I went to work. And now I'm here. :)
Here are today's list items. They are all under the heading of "Obsession." And just for the record (I don't know if this ties to co-dependency), I 100% admit to having OCD. I am better about it than I used to be, but only because I now share space with my husband. It was grand having control over my whole house! Now it's just chaos. Anyway, list items!Feel terribly anxious about problems and people.
Oh yes. I over-analyze and worry things to death! I worry that I've offended people, that they don't like me, that I've done something. I worry that I didn't answer my phone when someone called and I worry that I say inappropriate things… it's basically a battle all the time. I want everyone to feel included and I worry that I don't do that the way I should.
Worry about the silliest things.
Ha! See above.
Ha! See above.
Think and talk a lot about other people.
Yes, but mostly it's because of the worries I've listed above. I worry I've done something to upset them and they don't like me anymore. I worry about confronting someone about something. I imagine all sorts of horrible repercussions from standing up for myself. Like even death.
Lose sleep over problems or other people's behavior.
I told you about my sister-in-law and my mother-in-law. Both examples of losing sleep over problems and other people's behavior. It's like a sore in my mouth. It would heal and go away if I could just stop tonguing it. BTW, I haven't put up anything about my in-laws because I can't access Facebook at work and I can't copy and paste the stuff onto my blog unless I'm at home. My husband is always home and he doesn't know I have a blog. I haven't told him because I put stuff up about him that he doesn't want to know that it bothers me or that it's an issue. He ostrich's his head a lot.
Worry
Again, see above.
Never find answers.
I won't say I NEVER find answers, but I ponder, over-analyze, and worry things to death. During that whole time, I usually pray a LOT and go to church… I do soul and spiritual searching. I almost always come back with a question. Like the whole thing with my sister-in-law. I finally just figured it out last Friday. That's two months of worrying and over-analyzing. My realization is this: She probably hasn't give me or our conversation a single thought since the moment she blocked me on Facebook. Like it's a punishment for her to block me. "Oh, no… please, I love to be treated like crap! If you block me, you can't abuse me anymore!" Ha. Anyway, to continue, the answer I got was: since she's not given me another thought, let it go. If it ever comes up again, deal with it then. But I'm sure it won't. Sure she started the conversation saying I didn't deserve my husband's last name, but all that matters are the things I said to defend myself. It doesn't matter that she came swinging at me. Well, lady, I'm sorry, but if you don't want a fight, don't start anything, cause I'll finish it. My husband works late on Saturday, maybe I'll find the time to post everything between us then.
Feel unable to quit talking, thinking, and worrying about other people or problems.
I'm going to sum this up to what it really is. A grudge. Eventually I get over it, but it does take me a long time. Back in 1999 a guy I was "seeing" and my cousin really screwed me over. It took me until 2007 to fully work through it and move on. Even then, my trust issues are WAY worse than they were prior to all of that. And even though I've forgiven something doesn't mean I've forgotten. You can hurt me once, but I won't let you hurt me twice.
Now, to move on. I want to briefly touch on the death of Maya Angelou. She was a very inspirational person. As a parting thought, I'd love to use one of her quotes.
Yes, but mostly it's because of the worries I've listed above. I worry I've done something to upset them and they don't like me anymore. I worry about confronting someone about something. I imagine all sorts of horrible repercussions from standing up for myself. Like even death.
Lose sleep over problems or other people's behavior.
I told you about my sister-in-law and my mother-in-law. Both examples of losing sleep over problems and other people's behavior. It's like a sore in my mouth. It would heal and go away if I could just stop tonguing it. BTW, I haven't put up anything about my in-laws because I can't access Facebook at work and I can't copy and paste the stuff onto my blog unless I'm at home. My husband is always home and he doesn't know I have a blog. I haven't told him because I put stuff up about him that he doesn't want to know that it bothers me or that it's an issue. He ostrich's his head a lot.
Worry
Again, see above.
Never find answers.
I won't say I NEVER find answers, but I ponder, over-analyze, and worry things to death. During that whole time, I usually pray a LOT and go to church… I do soul and spiritual searching. I almost always come back with a question. Like the whole thing with my sister-in-law. I finally just figured it out last Friday. That's two months of worrying and over-analyzing. My realization is this: She probably hasn't give me or our conversation a single thought since the moment she blocked me on Facebook. Like it's a punishment for her to block me. "Oh, no… please, I love to be treated like crap! If you block me, you can't abuse me anymore!" Ha. Anyway, to continue, the answer I got was: since she's not given me another thought, let it go. If it ever comes up again, deal with it then. But I'm sure it won't. Sure she started the conversation saying I didn't deserve my husband's last name, but all that matters are the things I said to defend myself. It doesn't matter that she came swinging at me. Well, lady, I'm sorry, but if you don't want a fight, don't start anything, cause I'll finish it. My husband works late on Saturday, maybe I'll find the time to post everything between us then.
Feel unable to quit talking, thinking, and worrying about other people or problems.
I'm going to sum this up to what it really is. A grudge. Eventually I get over it, but it does take me a long time. Back in 1999 a guy I was "seeing" and my cousin really screwed me over. It took me until 2007 to fully work through it and move on. Even then, my trust issues are WAY worse than they were prior to all of that. And even though I've forgiven something doesn't mean I've forgotten. You can hurt me once, but I won't let you hurt me twice.
Now, to move on. I want to briefly touch on the death of Maya Angelou. She was a very inspirational person. As a parting thought, I'd love to use one of her quotes.
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