Low Self-Esteem

I'm a sarcastic person. I enjoy the wit of it. Most of the time my husband is okay with it, but sometimes, not so much. His family mostly isn't okay with it. I used sarcasm when talking to his sister (I know, I still need to talk about what went on there) and she said, "Oh, sarcasm. You must have low self-esteem!" Or something to that effect. It's true, so I didn't bother correcting her or saying something, but it's gotten me thinking. First off, I have to say, just because you use sarcasm does not mean you have low self-esteem. She's just an uptight Hispanic woman that thinks her lot in life is the hardest and that everyone should bow to her and learn from her. Don't we all have news for her! ;)

Anyway, my thoughts carried me off to Google again. I found this fun little gem:

Characteristics of Genuinely Low Self Esteem

1. Social withdrawal
2. Anxiety and emotional turmoil
3. Lack of social skills and self-confidence. Depression and/or bouts of sadness
4. Less social conformity
5. Eating disorders
6. Inability to accept compliments
7. An Inability to see yourself 'squarely' - to be fair to yourself
8. Accentuating the negative
9. Exaggerated concern over what they imagine other people think
10. Self-neglect
11. Treating yourself badly but NOT other people
12. Worrying whether you have treated others badly
13. Reluctance to take on challenges
14. Reluctance to trust your own opinion
15. Expect little out of life for yourself

So if you're like me you read it like this: "1. Social withdrawal…. check." "2. Anxiety and emotional turmoil… check." And so on. Now, lucky me, I happen to identify with 13 of the 15! Two I don't identify with in the least and two others I identify with half way, so that's 12 whole ones and two half ones. :) I know, I'm special.

That list was found on a website that tied empathy to co-dependency. Well, not exactly tied them together, more like, "Can you be empathetic and co-dependent? YES YOU CAN!" This got me to thinking again; I've always been told that I'm empathetic, by quite a few different people actually. One thing it said that was interesting was that you can be empathetic without being co-dependent. And I think that I'm empathetic with the rest of the world and co-dependent with my dad. Because empathy means you can put yourself in someone else's shoes and understand how they feel. But with co-dependency you take it a step farther and try to anticipate that person's needs.

For instance, I used to help my dad in the garage. Building things, fixing things, learning things… I liked it when he was pleased with me, so I would try to anticipate that he would need a Philips screwdriver, a flat head, a hammer, a wrench, whatever, and I would have the whole pile of what I thought he'd need on the floor by me. Inevitably I would not anticipate the most needed piece of equipment and fail my love earning for the day. Then he'd just be mad at me and I'd go cry in the house because he was mad at me and he didn't want me or need me.

This website (I should have noted the address… I went back, it's http://empathicperspectives.blogspot.com/2010/01/codependency-empath-quizzes.html) also touched into a category I'd not heard of before, "Love addict." Based on what it said, I have that.


The Love Addict

This type of person needs to be loved in order to feel they have any value and/or worth. At the same time, they also tend to hold the beliefs that they are incapable of inspiring real love in others and are truly not worthy of such ardent emotions directed at them.

Because of this, one who is a Love Addict will go from relationship to relationship, with unrealistic expectations and come away disappointed. Or, they will find themselves in relationships that are unhealthy and/or abusive in some way.

Abusive relationships will often reinforce a Love Addicts beliefs that they are worthless and not worthy of love. And this can make them cling to their partner, as though they were their savior for having loved them at all, even in an abusive way.

Anyway, I think I've given myself enough food for thought today, I'm going to pass on the regular list that I pull from. With any luck, I'll get to start therapy up again next month. Everyone cross your fingers!

B