In my group, we're on "step 3," but since I started with one, I figured I'd do my personal work where I'm at and just keep up with the group separately. :)
So this next sub-topic is "Hunger and Thirst." Question 1: Do you ever feel empty inside, even when you are not physically hungry? What causes that emptiness? My answer is yes, I do feel empty inside. Mine is caused by not feeling loved or important; like I matter.
Question 2: How can your hunger for things of the Spirit help you be more honest? Having the Lord's presence with you gives you a lighter heart, it makes me happier, and less likely to dwell on the bad. As for helping me be more honest; I think I'm okay in that regard. :)
Sub-topic: Honesty. Question 1: Write about ways you have lied and attempted to hide your addiction from yourself and others. How has this behavior caused "ugliness and chaos"? I don't think this question really applies to me, although, by being codependent, I give others power they shouldn't have and because of that, there is all sorts of resentment, anger, and other things built up because I try fighting the power I've given away.
I once had a friend that would take selfies. In these pictures, she would do whatever she could to enhance her cleavage. Great, good for you. But then, when she got the response she wanted (because c'mon, no one has THAT much cleavage shown who DOESN'T want attention for it) she would yell at all the boys that "noticed" and tell them she was more than her cleavage and that they shouldn't be looking, she has a boyfriend and blah, blah, blah. I think what I do is a lot like that. "Treat me like an adult, quit using me and underappreciating me, but… well… do you think you could control my life anyway?" So, I guess in that way I create chaos, but it isn't because I'm being dishonest; it's because I don't know how to not do it… I have a hard time with boundaries because I don't want the people I love to be hurt.
Sub-topic: Humility. Question 1: it quotes a scripture (since I'm trying to keep the religion thing neutral – just centered on Christ) I'm not going to give the reference:
Because ye are compelled to be humble blessed are ye; for a man sometimes, if he is compelled to be humble, seeketh repentance; and now surely, whosoever repenteth shall find mercy; and he that findeth mercy and endureth to the end the same shall be saved.
Write about the circumstances that have compelled you to humility and to seek repentance. What hope does this scriptures give you? How can you find or receive that hope? I don't know that it was humility and repentance that compelled me, but it was a need to get rid of the "ugly" in my life. I was so tired of feeling used, unwanted, unloved, my compulsion was to fix myself. I wanted to be self-sustaining, self-loving, not dependent on someone else to be important. Now, the scripture, it's basically saying, if you try, you'll be rewarded. Well, if you try with God in mind and trying to align yourself with His will, then you'll be rewarded. :)
Last question; sub-topic "The Lord's delight," – Question 1: "Lying lips are abomination to the Lord; but they that deal truly are his delight" – writing the answers to these questions has called for a deep level of honesty about yourself. How does this passage of scripture relate to this kind of honesty? How can you become the Lord's delight? This passage relates because I had to be honest with myself. No more rationalizing, pretending, or ignoring. I can become the Lord's delight by continuing on this path… continue to improve, be honest with myself (and with the Lord) and truly do what I can to be better.
So this is the end of Step 1. I can already see changes in my husband from the time he admitted his issues to me to now. I think this is going to be such a good thing for me, for him, and for our marriage. I think it'll put God at the top of our marriage, where before He was trailing behind. I'm so excited to see where we'll be a year from now… even 6 months from now. I'm glad I stopped with the list; it was dragging me down to dwell on it. I need to focus on the positive and getting better. Not focusing on the past and all the wrongs.
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