The other day I mentioned that I'd been thinking about what I expect from others and what not. I've been thinking about that some more and how it applies to my lunch hour and the absence of company. That's when I feel like no one wants to be around me and that no one likes me. Anyway, I was thinking, how can I expect them to always ask me to go out and I never ask them. I think the answer is that if I don't ask them, they haven't technically rejected me and if they don't ask me, they've just got something better to do, which confirms my self-talk of how horrible I am.
New topic. I am not, in any way, shape, or form, part of the selfie movement. I don't even like regular photographs taken of me. The other day, I took a selfie because I wanted to compare the make-up on my eyes and it's hard to do with a mirror. I decided I liked the picture (mostly) and used my phones editing software to make myself really like it… I slimmed my cheeks, widened my eyes, airbrushed my face. Lol It was kind of fun, actually. Anyway, Jon used to complain that I never send him pictures and that I won't let him take them either. So I decided I'd send it to him. When he got it, he looked at it, chuckled a little, and said, "Did you use that fish eye lens effect on your eyes?" I said, "No…" He said, "Oh." And went back to playing his video game. This did two things. One, made me feel like I was ugly because he didn't like it. Two, confirmed my thoughts that he doesn't find me attractive.
The next day I asked him about it. Or rather I apologized for sending it to him. He told me not to worry about it, that he thought I was super pretty, and blah, blah, blah. Talk is cheap. Actions speak louder than words. I'd already been having a hard time wanting to "be" with him and this just sealed it. Every time he'll want me, I'll feel like it's for pity. Not because he actually wants me.
Today's list items are under the category of "Dependency". There are quite a few under this topic that apply to me, so it'll be a couple entries. I'll try to keep the topics together. :)
New topic. I am not, in any way, shape, or form, part of the selfie movement. I don't even like regular photographs taken of me. The other day, I took a selfie because I wanted to compare the make-up on my eyes and it's hard to do with a mirror. I decided I liked the picture (mostly) and used my phones editing software to make myself really like it… I slimmed my cheeks, widened my eyes, airbrushed my face. Lol It was kind of fun, actually. Anyway, Jon used to complain that I never send him pictures and that I won't let him take them either. So I decided I'd send it to him. When he got it, he looked at it, chuckled a little, and said, "Did you use that fish eye lens effect on your eyes?" I said, "No…" He said, "Oh." And went back to playing his video game. This did two things. One, made me feel like I was ugly because he didn't like it. Two, confirmed my thoughts that he doesn't find me attractive.
The next day I asked him about it. Or rather I apologized for sending it to him. He told me not to worry about it, that he thought I was super pretty, and blah, blah, blah. Talk is cheap. Actions speak louder than words. I'd already been having a hard time wanting to "be" with him and this just sealed it. Every time he'll want me, I'll feel like it's for pity. Not because he actually wants me.
Today's list items are under the category of "Dependency". There are quite a few under this topic that apply to me, so it'll be a couple entries. I'll try to keep the topics together. :)
- Don't feel happy, content, or peaceful with themselves.
- Look for happiness outside themselves.
- Latch onto whoever or whatever they think can provide happiness.
- Feel terribly threatened by the loss of anything or person they think proves their happiness.
B
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