Cha-cha-cha-changes

A few changes this week. My husband and I talked on Tuesday about his porn addiction. He called and made an appointment with our church leader to seek out help. We've been reading online about porn withdrawal symptoms (yes, surprisingly, they do exist!) and we've been talking. I think I've finally convinced him it's okay to tell me how he's feeling, I won't judge him. I know it's a struggle. Yesterday he texted me with all sorts of things and I'm so glad that I'm open-minded enough to be here for him when he needs it most.

Well, since he's working on his issues and I've been reading up on it online, I've had a change in me too. I'm sure you know (based on old posts) that I've never quite felt like Jon was attracted to me. After reading online all the various things that happen with a porn addiction, I've bought myself some relief. Thinking he wasn't attracted to me… there was only one place to point the finger of blame. Knowing about this though… now porn can get the finger (haha) and I can be relieved thinking maybe my husband is attracted to me. It will be interesting to see how our dynamic changes in the next few months. After realizing the extent of his "damage," I can see that this has gone on a LONG time and that it's been very damaging in our marriage. Even while we were dating.

I was going to do some list items today, but I'm not feeling it. After days, months, years of feeling less than, I actually feel like there's light at the end of my tunnel and I'm anxious to get to it. I'm excited for it… excited for what me and Jon can be.

B