*sigh*

First, I wanted to let you know that I didn't get the chance to talk with my uncle over the weekend. My mom ended up working all day Friday and we had a baptism to attend Saturday… guess it just lost importance. I have another meeting tonight though, so perhaps I'll get the strong urge to do it again.

I think I've talked before about how I feel left out in my group at work. My supervisor rarely stops to talk to me, only really stopping to talk with my one female co-worker or sometimes the male co-worker. I honestly don't think he likes me as a person, he only likes me as an employee. I guess that's okay, but where he has the deeper relationship with the other two, I wish he would with me too. Maybe it's my issue because I keep everything so close to the vest. Anyway, an incident yesterday got me thinking about this again. My female co-worker asked me if I could pick her up from a car shop nearby the next morning. I said I would, then we got talking about maybe stopping for donuts. Well, our supervisor is watching his sugar intake so our conversation went from donuts to muffins then to bagels. I decided to call him and ask him if it would be okay if she and I went and picked up some bagels for our group after we dropped off her car. He kind of hemmed and I suddenly started saying that we probably wouldn't, I just wanted to find out if it was okay and by the time he and I hung up, I was wishing I'd never called him because I felt so stupid.

So the questions I was thinking this morning are these: Why do I allow others to make me feel stupid and awkward? Then I back pedal to "save face" and act like I didn't really mean what I'd said… I just don't get it. Why do I do that? He just now walked into my female co-workers office and they're visiting. My face got all hot and I'm sure I'm blushing because I'm embarrassed over that stupid phone call. I don't know why, it's not like he's even going to check in. Usually he just waves as he walks by in the afternoon going to get a soda.

I get so tired of this. Why can't I get people to like me? Why do I even care if they do?!

B