Helping

Happy Thursday!  I ended up having a not so awesome night.  I’m not sure if it was miscommunication or a misunderstanding or what, but there were hurt feelings.  My husband texted me yesterday and shared with me that he’s been really wanting me lately.  As a side note, I’ve been sick since last Monday and we haven’t been intimate since February 13^th.  So when I got the text from him, I was pretty excited.  However, it’s been so long that I was also nervous.  He got home from work and went right in to take a shower.  A while he came back out and told me he wanted to go play video games.  I was sad, but said okay.  A minute later he came back with his notebook and said that he’d just sit out with me in the living room and write a little bit.  When he sat down, I started putting my hand on the page so he couldn’t write… but I was laughing while doing it and I was trying to play around and be silly.  He ended up getting mad at me and really hurting my feelings.  I wanted to go to bed early anyway, so I handed him the remote and went into the bedroom to get ready for bed.  I ended up sitting in the bathroom and crying for a little while… and nothing happened.  It’s weird though, cause I’m relieved in a way, but also really disappointed that he doesn’t want me.

Anyway, on to the list.  I’m actually going to do about 4 things because they pertain to me, but only a little bit. :)

      ·         Feel angry when their help isn't effective.

·         Anticipate other people's needs

·         Wonder why others don't do the same for them.

·         Don't really want to be doing more than their fair share of the work, and doing       things other people are capable of doing for themselves.

The first one:  I don’t necessarily feel angry when my help isn’t effective, you know, that unwanted advice thing we talked about yesterday. :)  Mostly I feel useless, stupid, and (again) unable to do anything right.  I turn it inward instead of outward like the line suggests.

Second:  I do try to anticipate other people’s needs.  I’m a planner and an organizer.  I don’t know that it’s out of control though, because if we deviate from the plan, I don’t mind.  I tend to think of everything though… packing for trips, making dinner, planning meals.  I do every minute detail down to thread and needle.  Outside the box of planning and organizing, I only do the anticipatory thing with my dad.  I think that goes kind of with the whole finishing his sentences… others too… so maybe not just with my dad.  I’ve been trained to be prepared for anyone’s needs.  I carry toothpicks and wet-wipes in my purse for my husband… man, putting on here, it’s stupid that I do it!  Haha :)

Third:  I 100% wonder why others don’t do for me the things I do for them.  I always thought it was the golden rule, but I think it’s mostly that people are selfish and I’ve been thinking of others so long (the family peacekeeper) that I just don’t understand how others can’t do the same thing I do without thinking about it.  My husband is a prime example.  He is not very considerate.  He just doesn’t think about it.  If I went to the grocery store, I’d either ask him if he needed anything or get him something as a surprise, like a candy bar.  He goes to the grocery store and comes back with what he wanted.  Most of the time I don’t even know he went until he comes home with stuff only for him!  He’s getting better, but it’s a struggle we have.

Forth:  This one doesn’t apply in full.  First, I always do my fair share, if not more.  The thing I hate is doing things other people are capable of doing for themselves.  I hate it because I do it!  I’ve gotten better with my husband.  Lol  the thing is though, that it’s a worse better.  He doesn’t pick up after himself.  AT ALL.  Never.  I threatened to cut a hole in the middle of the dining room table and put a trashcan there so that maybe he could throw something out.  I was only half joking… cause if it would’ve worked, I’d have done it.  Seriously though, the dining room table is always covered with little bits of trash.  A wrapper from a pill, a candy bar, a paper cup… and the sad thing is, between the table and the trash can is literally two feet of walkway and that’s it.  He wouldn’t even have to MOVE to toss it in.  I got so sick of being his zoo keeper that I stopped.  The house is SO disgusting (okay, it’s not THAT bad, but not how I’d have it if I could!), but I’m making him keep it up.  He lost his job back in January and only last week started a new one, so he was the housekeeper while he was home.

Most of the time, I end up doing it because people don’t do it the way I want it done.  That sounds stupid.  And as I said, my dear husband is helping me learn that there are different ways to do things, but it’s so hard letting go and letting someone else do it not so good and leaving it alone so they think they did well.  Someday I hope to get him up to my standards of clean. :)  Until then, semi-clean and 100% embarrassing when we have a visitor… but he’s proud of keeping up the house.

B